Life...

Why are some questions in life unsettling? Why are their answers unknown or unknowable? For instance, why does Kate Middleton have the life of whirlwind privilege while I struggle? Is she a better person than I am? Is she more capable than I am? Why do some people's fortunes change so drastically in so short a period of time, while the rest are resigned to a seemingly unchanging, tiring life? Does the fact that these questions creep up so incessantly in my head and evoke such passionate self-pity mean I am thankless and therefore, entirely undeserving of anything worthwhile? Possibly, and that is the very quality I need for any measure of success. I remember reading an article today about a star graduate student; the quality of his considered responsible for his success was his belief that he was engaged in meaningful research that would break new ground in the future. Come to think of it, that is the very basis for everyone's success-even Lyn has mentioned this repeatedly regarding her own challenges at work. She conquers them when she discovers meaning in the seemingly slight work. I need to do that too-discover meaning and bliss in the small jobs of my work and the small pleasures of life. I've seem to lost that quality and replaced it with a stubborn desire for grandness, even if I don't know what exactly I'm looking for. Maybe my vanity needs to be satisfied and I want people to envy me. But underneath all this tumultuous emotion is a desire to get rid of such discontentment and have instead a desire for engaging in meaningful work and to excel.